Performance anxiety, or stage fright, is one of the most common phobias in the United States but it doesn’t just affect the inexperienced. No, no, no. Even the great performers of our time know it well.
In fact, at a workshop I did recently with Roger Love, one of Hollywood’s greatest voice coaches, he shared the story of one of his famous singing clients who was backstage before a concert pacing around and muttering “I’m feeling sick, I’m gonna be sick, Oooh, yeah, I’m feeling really, really sick now..”
After a few minutes of this, the singer claps his hands together and shouts “LET’S DO IT!” And he races out on stage to thunderous applause from the packed house.
You see, Roger explained, this client literally won’t get on stage until he’s ready to throw up. That’s his cue that he’s ready to face his audience and channel all the anxiety, the nerves, the beating heart and butterflies into a performance that people remember for the rest of their lives.
Now I’m not sure how often you’re in a situation where you start feeling performance anxiety, but if you’re a woman living here in the US I’m pretty sure you know about a little something about a fashion condition that can cause many of the same symptoms that I call Fashion Conformance Anxiety.
Conformance is defined in the World English Dictionary as likeness in form or appearance and compliance with accepted standards and norms.
So Fashion Conformance Anxiety describes a wide variety of feelings that can arise from our desire to dress similar to others and within prescribed cultural norms.
You know it as the feeling that arises when you start fretting compulsively about what you’re going to wear to your friend’s wedding, or feeling frustrated every morning because you want to wear open-toe shoes to the office but none of your co-workers do, or worrying that you’ll be the only girl at the party in a bare shoulder dress, or obsessing over whether your jean legs are too wide, or too narrow, or too navy, or too faded or too…whatever.
It’s the feeling of inadequacy that can strike when you’re not wearing the latest trend or the hippest outfit in a crowd and everyone else around you seems to have stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine.
And, conversely, it’s the dissatisfaction that arises from trying to dress enough like everyone else so you don’t draw too much attention to yourself and then wondering why no one seems to notice you.
Sound familiar? Can you relate?
Ultimately, Fashion Conformance Anxiety arises because we all know that on some level, even though it shouldn’t be this way, we are being judged on our appearances during the first few milliseconds of meeting anyone.
Well as someone who’s spoken before audiences both large and small since junior high school, I know a little something about handling performance anxiety and many of the same methods that help me conquer stage fright can help you conquer any Fashion Conformance Anxiety as well.
1. Use Mental Practice.
Before any presentation, I mentally practice it in my head dozens of times and I always visualize the audience reaction to different things I might say. If you’re stressing out about what to wear to a big event, mentally practice wearing different outfits to the event in your head and see how those different mental images make you feel. One outfit will usually be a clear winner.
2. Develop a ritual.
For me, before speaking, I do deep breathing exercises. A colleague of mine never takes the stage without doing a Qigong cupping exercise. For you it might be as simple as pausing, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you’re obsessing once you’ve changed outfits three times. Or it could be telling yourself before you enter a room of people that no matter how expensive or beautiful anyone’s outfit might be, underneath it they’ve got the same ol’ skin and bones that you do.
3. Focus on the task at hand.
When I’m speaking, there are tons of things that I can’t control so ultimately all I concentrate on is my message and relating to the audience. Likewise, if you’re in a social situation where you feel underdressed or overdressed or simply uncomfortable about your appearance, focus on the task at hand. Are you there to network, to offer ideas, to solicit donations, or to serve customers? Then do what you do best. Remember that the YOU underneath your clothes is engaging, intelligent, friendly, compassionate and interesting regardless of what you’re wearing.
So while Fashion Conformance Anxiety won’t require medication or weekly visits to a psychiatrist, it’s greatest harm comes from its ability to make you suppress rather than express your unique personal style. In fact, it can only arise when YOU start doubting YOU.
After all, who’s to say that the purple laces in today’s vintage 1960s canvas lace-up boots are inappropriate or unfashionable? Who’s to say that tomorrow you can’t switch them out for red or yellow ones if that would put a skip in your walk and a smile on your face?
Why not give it a try if you’re a non-conforming Vintage Crusader!
Available at Vintage-A-Peel.
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