I was listening to my local NPR station yesterday and heard about the recent trend of Tweens posting YouTube videos to ask “Am I Pretty or Ugly?”

The station played an audio clip of a young girl pleading for someone to tell her if she’s pretty or not because her friends say she isn’t and she doesn’t really feel pretty but, like, she doesn’t really feel ugly either, and like, she wants to know if she’s, like, pretty, you know, because she has really low self-esteem and she wants to feel better around herself, like, you know?

And with my heart breaking, I wanted to just hug her and say, Sweetheart, asking a bunch of strangers online if you’re pretty is NOT the way to raise your self-esteem!

I wanted to tell her that You already have EVERYTHING you need inside you. You are already PRETTY ENOUGH.  You are already GOOD ENOUGH. You are already MAGNIFICENT!

And I wanted to explain that you raise your self-esteem and start believing in yourself by DOING something that helps someone else. Or by trying something, maybe failing or falling short of your goal, but then picking yourself up, practicing and learning more, and then trying again and doing better than you did the first time.

I wanted to shout to her, You don’t have to be the prettiest, the thinnest, the smartest, the fastest or the best-est of anything to feel good about who YOU are. YOU are enough. Right now. Today.

Which doesn’t mean you give up and settle for how good you are today. You keep learning, growing, improving and changing every day of your life. But YOU, right here and right now, are magnificent just the way you are.

SELF-ESTEEM is about valuing and respecting yourself both INSIDE and OUT.

And with DoSomething.org reporting that 7 out of 10 girls believe they’re not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, we have an epidemic on our hands that simply must be addressed.

It’s why I’m so obsessed with bringing my style message to the masses.

Because you have to dress like YOU, from the inside-out, and not try to dress from the outside-in via all the messages from the media and popular culture. If you try to do that, you are inevitably gonna feel like you don’t measure up because no one can look like Angelina Jolie in that Oscar gown except Angelina Jolie.

So here are my tips for raising a daughter who has high self-esteem (and I should mention that I was lucky enough to raise my own daughter before the rise of social media and cell phones which has made this job infinitely more challenging):

1. Start with YOU. That’s right, I’m talking to you, Mom. What kind of comments are you making about beauty, weight, body size, or dress around your daughter and what kind of behavior are you modeling? Overhearing Mom on the phone gossiping about how ridiculous Susan looked in what she wore to the business dinner or seeing Mom self-conscious about the size of her own thighs in a bathing suit or watching Mom obsess about her own weight or wrinkles only adds to the problem.

2. Praise properly. 34% of girls with low self-esteem feel like they’re not a good enough daughter. So in addition to praising her worthy actions, be sure to let your daughter know how wonderful you think she is early and often. Not because she’s pretty or smart or fast but just because. Let her know that you see beauty and greatness in her even when she can’t see it in herself. And remind her that being pretty and being beautiful are completely different. Pretty is something that happens on the outside. Beautiful happens on the inside.

3. Let her fail. Instead of interceding and coming to her rescue, let her fail once in a while. Today it seems everyone gets a trophy or wins a ribbon. But failing, and realizing it’s not the end of the world and that you can pick yourself up and try again, is part of what builds healthy self-esteem. Yes, it will break your heart to see your daughter hurting, but only because it brings up memories of when you failed in your life. But it was that failure that helped you get where you are today so give your daughter the same gift.

4. Watch TV together. I thank the heavens for Beverly Hills 90210. My daughter and I watched that show together and it prompted great conversations about what the characters were going through, what was realistic and what wasn’t, and how they might have handled the situations differently. We talked about how everyone feels like they don’t fit in at some point. How even the pretty and popular kids sometimes have doubts about themselves. How it’s normal to feel like you’re not enough sometimes but it’s just a feeling and YOU control your feelings. So what media is your daughter consuming? Do you even know? How can you engage with her about it?

5. Encourage positive self-talk. 61% of girls with low self-esteem admit to talking bad to themselves about themselves. And we all know how easy it is to get carried away in a downward spiral of pitying self-talk. So make sure you nip any self-defeating comments that you hear from your daughter IMMEDIATELY. “This outfit sucks!” “I look so fat in this!” “Everybody’s prettier than me!” It’s your job to stop these comments in their tracks and suggest alternatives to replace them.

6. Find positive role models. Ask kids today what they want to be when they grow up and most of them will say they want to be famous. But the actors and actresses they admire, even performers like Lady Gaga, are playing roles. They’re famous for pretending to be who they aren’t! It’s far better to introduce your daughters to female role models who have become more of WHO THEY ARE. There are women who have excelled in every area of life — politics, science, the arts, business, philanthropy, sports. So who are you allowing to be your daughter’s heroes? And how can you help her see that SHE can be her very OWN HERO?

As you can imagine, when Tweens post their Pretty or Ugly requests on YouTube, they receive horrifying replies from the masses mixed in with the supportive responses. Parents who learn about the videos are often surprised or shocked or horrified to find out about the posts. And while YouTube has a minimum age to post videos, as a parent, it’s ultimately your responsibility to ensure that your daughter never needs to ask “Am I Pretty or Ugly?” to a bunch of internet strangers.

Of course, if we ask that same question “Am I Pretty or Ugly?” about today’s VPOD, I think the survey results would sway on the side of pretty.

This vintage 1950s batik sundress by Frank Starr has a eye-catching print and plenty of fashion self-esteem.

It’s a very pretty find for a Vintage Crusader.

Available at Traven7.

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On my last trip to San Francisco I was driving around the city completely trusting the Mapquest app on my iPhone to get me where I needed to go. When I missed an exit, I heard the oh-so-familiar GPS voice chanting “Recalculating…”

I slowed down a bit to wait for the next set of instructions and before long I was back on track and speeding down the interstate.

If only wrong turns in life could be righted so easily!

I know I’ve made a lot of them over the past few decades and at least one took me on a decades-long detour. But along the way I discovered that I have my own internal GPS.

And when I pay better attention to this personal guidance system, my wrong turns don’t necessarily lead me down dark dead-end alleys. In fact, when I’m really conscious and cooperating with it, my internal GPS sometimes will present an alternate route that is even faster than the original trip I had planned.

Like the GPS you use in your car, your internal GPS doesn’t judge you, call you a nincompoop, complain, or yell when you take a wrong turn. It simply notices when you’re getting off track and alerts you loud-and-clear that a course correction is needed by repeating to you over and over again “Recalculating…”

It then evaluates where you are, compares it to where you said you wanted to go and suggests what might be the best way of getting there. But you’re ultimately in the driver’s seat.

You may decide that the course your internal GPS suggests is too risky. Or you may see it as “under construction” with way too many obstacles to navigate. If so, you may decide to go “off-road” and take a different route.

But no matter how far off-course you may ultimately find yourself, if you trust your internal GPS and start heeding it, it will always lead you back to a path that ultimately gets you to your desired destination.

Luckily, a Fashion GPS is part of this Life GPS system as well.

Which is a good thing because all of us stray from our straight-and-narrow fashion path occasionally.

Who hasn’t ended up at some point looking at an item in their closet and wondering “WHAT the heck was I thinking when I bought THAT?!”

Plus we’ve all experienced life events like divorces, new jobs or relocations that make our Fashion GPS start its refrain: “Recalculating…”

It reminds us that our lives dictate the kind of clothes that should populate our closets. A stay-at-home mom requires a different mix than an up-and-coming socialite or a corporate executive. And when your life changes in a big way, your closet needs to change along with it.

Today’s VPOD, a lovely vintage 1950s world map compact, is a beautiful reminder to pay attention to your internal GPS system. And make sure you always have it programmed with exactly where you want to be headed because that’s where it will guide you!

It’s a handy-dandy built-in roadmap for every Vintage Crusader!

Available from Modbag on 1stDibs.

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When it comes to punctuation marks, exclamation points are definitely my favorite.

I mean, commas and periods don’t strike me as particularly special. They’re just utilitarian and necessary.

Semi-colons and colons often leave me befuddled.

And while I do deliberately use a lot of question marks (which definitely come in a strong second), I still hope that when the tally is taken upon my final breath that I will have lived a life with far more exclamation points than the average gal.

Now all of us use punctuation marks as we’re creating and living our life stories, but most people limit exclamation points to the Big Moments: graduations, weddings, births, dream jobs, dream houses, long sought-after awards.

Somehow, though, I’ll bet that the guys and gals who go through life with the biggest smiles on their faces are the ones who have figured out how to add exclamation points to all their not-so-special days, too.

I mean, there’s a huge difference between

Off to work.

and

Off to work!

And while you might envy actors who are able to recite lines that have punctuation marks added in all the appropriate spots, don’t you prefer being able to PLACE THE EXCLAMATION POINTS IN YOUR OWN LIFE STORY WHEREVER YOU PLEASE?

One theory suggests that the origin of the exclamation point comes from the Latin word for joy, IO, and that the exclamation point was born when someone wrote the “O” underneath the “I”.

So just think of every exclamation point that you can add to your life story as adding an extra helping of joy.

You can think

Time to do the laundry.

or

Time(!) to do the laundry.

or

Time to do the laundry!

It’s really up to you.

Of course, you can also add quite a few exclamation points quite easily with today’s VPOD, an amazing 1950s dress that is punctuated all over with these joyous symbols.

It’s a fabulous style exclamation for a Vintage Crusader!

Available at Coldfish Vintage.

(To receive the VPOD free via email with detailed size and price information, sign up for the growing email mailing list here. Your information will never be sold or shared and you can easily unsubscribe at any time.)

I’m a firm believer in what Brenda Ueland calls moodling, “long inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.”

In a weird time-twisting way, I’ve discovered that one secret to getting a lot done is being willing to spend a lot of time alone doing nothing at all!

Gazing out a window with a cup of tea. Soaking in a bath. Sitting still and paying attention to the breath.

And listening. Lots of listening.

But not to the radio or the TV or a favorite selection in iTunes. Listening to the sounds of silence around me.

The hum of a heater. A distant ambulance siren. The rumble of the FedEx truck. The pitter-patter of a squirrel scampering across the roof.

It reminds me of years ago when it was necessary to let my car idle for a few minutes before shifting it out of park. My mechanic insisted that it needed this time to warm-up every morning in order to keep the engine functioning properly.

And so it is with our lives.

We all need to do a little idling to keep our imaginations warmed-up and working smoothly.

And like so many skills in life, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

As kids, we were all fabulous moodlers. Yes, even you.

Maybe you can remember gazing up at the sky and being mesmerized by the shifting shape of the clouds or a twinkling blanket of stars. My nephew once watched a parade of ants at a picnic for half an hour. I could spend an entire morning searching for four-leaf clovers in an empty lot near my house. And I remember once when a bunch of us neighborhood kids dug a hole for two straight days just to see how deep we could make it!

No adult would ever engage in such foolishness, right?

Well, thank goodness some grown-ups still do or we wouldn’t have things like wonderful literature, breathtaking art, ingenious gadgets, toe-tapping music, scientific breakthroughs and inspiring films.

Moodling, without a doubt, is an integral part of the creative process, which means it’s not just for the artists and inventors of the world.

It’s a worthwhile activity for moms and dads, employees, students and business owners, too.

Doodling. Coloring. Humming. Skipping. Daydreaming. Zoning out.

Perhaps more grown-up moodling is just the prescription needed to remedy the boredom, malaise, and routine that has replaced the childlike wonder, excitement and imagination that used to fuel our days.

But, like children, we tend to not want to take our medicine, so we immediately counter with “I don’t have time for that!”

Ah, but remember the time-twisting nature of moodling?

When you make time for moodling, moodling somehow makes time for you.

It gifts you with creative solutions to old problems. It contributes to flashes of insight that help you remember exactly where you left that thing you’re looking for before you have to spend an hour searching. It cuts the time to write your monthly report in half because while you were moodling, there was a subroutine running in the background that was organizing your thoughts without you realizing it.

And there’s no better time to give moodling a try than right now in the middle of winter.

Cozy up to a fire in a comfy, lambswool sweater like today’s VPOD.

Allow yourself to get recharged by plugging in to nothing at all.

Remember what it’s like to take two hours to do a crossword puzzle, or to slowly cross-stitch a few rows of your sampler, or to sketch horrendously but gloriously, or to get lost in reminiscing.

It’s just one more way to unleash creativity, in fashion and in life, for any Vintage Crusader!

Available at Twin Hearts Vintage.

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Going, Going, GONE!

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(Auctions all end within the next 5 days.)

Vintage 1970s Lace Mini Dress (hellhoundvintageclothing) | Vintage Hattie Carnegie Elephant Brooch (vtg_treasure_hunters) | Vintage 1950s Beaded Sweater (paris.vintage) | Vintage 1960s Fringe Cropped Pants (thriftwares) | Vintage 1950s Ostrich Handbag (badger201143) | Vintage 1970s Icelandic Wool Sweater Coat (ttlg2quit) | Vintage 1950s Rhinestone Belt (badger201143) | Vintage 1950s Silk Dress (weatitsatvintage) | Vintage 1950s Lace Cocktail Dress (peeweekatz) | Vintage Italian Figural Tomato Purse (just-a-dab) | Vintage 1950s Romper (nhal6856) | Vintage 1960s Malcolm Starr Evening Gown (divinefinds) | Antique Petit Point Purse (2c2bid) | Vintage 1950s Brocade Evening Coat (thriftwares) | Vintage 1970s Trifari Lucite Necklace (sugapea) | Vintage 1970s Tooled Leather Handbag (vintage317) | Vintage Trifari Matsumoto Lucite Bracelet (getreadygo2) | Vintage 1940s Crochet Clutch (stencilwoman) | Vintage 1970s Alfred Shaheen Jumpsuit (thekissingtreevintage) | Vintage 1960s Leather and Brass Belt (beltsandbling) | (Disclosure: Editorial selections are made by Zuburbia without direct promotional consideration from Bay sellers. Zuburbia is an affiliate member of the eBay Partner Network).

PLEASE NOTE that Zuburbia does not endorse the use of fur, feathers, leather or animal skins in fashion. These selections are offered only as more thoughtful and eco-friendly alternatives for contemporary fashionistas who have not yet eliminated animal products from their wardrobes.

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